Why do I look like I'm in the worst pain imaginable? Because I am. It's that time of the month (oh joy) and I get the WORST ladycramps!!! They make me want to die. They're so bad I often get nauseous from the crippling pain that wracks my entire abdomen. Did I mention they come in waves and are kind of unexpected? Yeah. I'll just be standing there, living my life, doing normal things, minding my own business, when WHAAMMMM!!! Chuck Norris is suddenly round-house kicking me in the uterus and I'm being crushed under a wave of mind-blowing, face-smashing, teeth-curling pain powerful enough to make the planet implode. They'll stick around for about a half hour, die down, go away for a few minutes, and just when I think they might be over and I can get on with my life, BOOM!!! There they are again, exactly the same as the last time. I'll say it again. THEY MAKE ME WANT TO DIE.
If you're a male, or one of the few lucky ladies out there that don't quite know what ladycramps feel like, let me enlighten you. It kind of feels like you've been impregnated with a demon and it's trying to claw its way out of you. It's trying to get out, but no matter how hard it tries, the stupid little creature is trapped, so it's not like it can just get out, run away, and let you heal up or anything, NO. It just keeps clawing at your insides until you die. (Wow, just trying to describe how much it hurts makes me want to cry...)
When I was 11, I was told about this kind of stuff...I went to that fun little assembly just for girls in elementary school and the people that were talking about it made it sound like it wasn't so bad. I thought, "Ok, so I'll probably feel some cramps, that doesn't sound too bad. No biggie, I can totally handle that." In fact, they kept saying it as an amazing experience and it was special. They called it a gift. Wait...rewind! A GIFT???? Okay I agree, the ability to bear children is a marvelous super power, and I can't wait to actually be able to use it someday, but I wouldn't call the stupid side effects to that super power a gift. That word makes it sound like it's a happy pleasant surprise that shows up out of nowhere.
It makes you get all giddy and you want to run forward and open the box and soon as you get your hands on it!
But it's not a happy present! If you open it, you unleash the most evil creature known to womankind...Ladycramps.
And it doesn't matter what do, I can't stop her. No amount of painkillers, heat, or magnesium can defeat her.
If I could just choose to not open the present when it came to me, believe me while I'm still unmarried, I would. Seriously! I'm not going to have any children now, or any time soon. It would be so nice to be able to have that choice, you know? But, no, I don't get that choice. And by opening that stupid "gift", all I'm doing is setting myself up for a week of uncontrollable urges to scream and cry and murder things. *Note: I don't actually murder anything, and I don't know if I really want to. I'm just saying that's how Ladycramps makes me feel...
Ugh I know exactly how you feel. I punched myself in the stomach once to try to get rid of them. It didn't work at all. I just ended up in the floor of my biology class. Mine are really good at getting me hurt just enough to vomit and feel like I could pass out, but the bitch can't knock me out because then I wouldn't experience it. You're better off taking something to knock you out until it's over than you are taking pain medicine
ReplyDeleteI'll keep that in mind for next time...
ReplyDeleteHope it helps
ReplyDelete