Socially Awkward Birds: Crow

Have you ever met an animal more awkward than a bird? I sure haven't...so I've created a new segment called "Socially Awkward Birds", where we dive deep into the awkward lives of our feathery friends. Here is the first installment: Enjoy!!!

Conversations With My Kyle: Babies

Kyle: So what'd you do after work?

Me: I found a website that morphs our pictures together and shows us what our babies will look like.

Kyle: You did what?

Me: Apparently we're going to have really ugly babies.

Kyle: ...ok

Me: But it'll be okay, because even if they are ugly, we'll still like them just because we're their parents.

Kyle: Speak for yourself! Imma be like, "Hey! You're ugly..."

Me: Charming.  Then they'll be like, "Mom!!!  Dad called me ugly again!"  And I'll just say, "So call him ugly back!" Then we'll all scream at each other about how ugly we all are, and we'll be the happiest family in the world!  Boom! Parenting.

Kyle: (laughing his adorable laugh) You're so witty! I like you.

Thanks man...I like you too, I guess...

And he still wants to marry me!
Ladies and Gents, I found myself a keeper!

Eating Sidewalk

It's time for another story.

As I have previously stated in this story, I don't have a car.  I'm not proud to say I still don't have one...but I am proud to say I'm finally upgrading to a moped scooter!!! WOO!!! It should be coming in the mail soon.

Anyway, so I don't have a car, and my roommate's bike I was using for a while got stolen, so lately my only mode of transportation is a combination of city bus and Razor scooter.  I hate my Razor scooter.  It's going to kill me.  I only ride it when I absolutely have to...like when I'm running late for work...so late, in fact, that riding a Razor scooter 3 miles to my job will actually be faster than waiting for the bus to come get me.  I also ride it if the buses aren't running (any time after 8pm).

One night I had to work until 7:45pm and my plan was to get out as soon as possible and scooter my little booty to the bus stop as fast as I could in an effort to make the transfer that would get me home.  I'm not usually pressured for time like this, but this night I was.  And of course, this also happened to be the busiest night ever and I was getting stopped by customers everywhere I turned!  I didn't manage to get out of there until well after 8 and long story short, I missed the bus and was left to scooter home.

I really really wanted to get home really really fast, because I had a Skype date with my man that I needed to get to.  So I pushed and scooted my hardest until I was cruising as fast as was humanly possible on a $25 scooter from the local Walmart.

So there I was, flying down main street, dodging pedestrians and bunny-hopping enormous sidewalk cracks (you never really notice how terrible the sidewalks in my town are until you have to ride a scooter over them) until suddenly:

Here's what happened.  If any of you readers out there are lucky enough to have ridden a Razor scooter, you'll know that the front wheel doesn't always stay in alignment with the handlebars.  Mine has been loose for a while, but it wasn't too bad so I didn't worry about it.  Apparently, it was a lot more loose than I thought, because suddenly the wheel went from this:

I found myself heading over the handlebars and flying face-first right onto the sidewalk before I could even process what was happening.  The only thing going through my brain as I flew like a rag doll through the air was:

Ok, let it be known I go over those handlebars all the time.  Usually though, I can sort of hurdle them and hit the ground running and I'm okay.

This time, everything happened way too fast.  Oddly enough, the first complete sentence I could form in my head was:

Anyway, so I hit the ground and after that ironic thought about the helmet, my next thought was, "All the traffic...must stand up right away so as not to alarm anyone."  I jumped up almost as soon as my momentum stopped.

In hindsight, I kind of wished I had just laid there for a minute or so to relax...just to see if anyone would have thought I died or something...But no, I jumped up and turned to grab my scooter and found it a whopping ten feet away from where I had landed!!!  That's quite a wipeout, if you ask me :)

And before you ask how my wounds were, this is how I imagined them as I scootered/limped the rest of the way home:

This is what I really looked like:

NOTHING!!! Not even a little bit of blood!!!  I did manage to get a little roadrash on my shoulder, though.

Real-Life Zombie

I had a dream last night that I died and then came back to life at my funeral.  How awkward would that be?

I mean, what do you do then???  Do you stand up and address the people who so lovingly showed up to pay their respects and say their goodbyes?  Do you just walk out? Do you lay back down and pretend no one saw you?
Personally, I would at least want to say something to the people, but what would I say???  Probably something like:

But judging by how seriously some of my friends and family take zombies, I feel like a zombie joke right off the bat would only get me a bullet in the forehead, and would therefore be inappropriate....
What would you do if this happened to you?

Quote Wall!

Ok ladies and gents...here it is.  Hope you like it!  And yeah, I know I seem nervous but I already told you I get camera shy. Believe me, it's way better than my last several attempts at it.

This Made My Day

Hey all!

The video's coming soon I promise!!!  I just wanted to show you something that totally made my day.  A good friend of mine/former church leader turned me into Lara Croft :)

I think it totally fits :)  I will now forever be known as Chelsea - Socially Awkward Tomb Raider
Comment below and tell me what movie character you would be.

Upcoming!!!

I have something exciting to tell you all!  I'm going to try out my skills as a video-maker-poster-person.  My next blog post will be a video about...(drumroll)...never mind. I'm not going to tell you now.  You'll just have to stay tuned to find out what my first video is about! Suckers...

Let me just put a disclaimer up now: I don't know how this whole video thing will turn out. I've been practicing the last few days and I've learned I'm a little camera shy.  Sorry...but I really am trying!!!  So, it would really help me out if I got some input when I actually post this thing. Tell me if you liked it, hated it, and why. Also, feel free to tell me I'm cute...because I am...

Also, here's a picture in case you're starting to miss my awesome cartoons:

Post-Interview Brain

Today, I had an interview for a job.  I think it went okay, but you never know with these kinds of things.

Anyway, after the interview, I walked to the bank to put some money in my account and the weirdest thing happened. I had an actual human conversation with the teller! It was weird though...see, my brain was still in job-interview mode so I talked to this guy like I was asking for a job.  He gave me a few weird looks, but kept up with my interview-mode pace.  It was interesting.

Just wanted to tell you.

My Couch is Haunted

Hey friends! I've come to tell you a story about a certain couch in my living room.  This is 100% true.

Flirts

So...you know me and all about how nearly every social situation turns me into an awkward stuttering fool, right?  Yeah.  Well the one situation that takes the cake is when people I don't know try and flirt with me.  Notice I said people, not just men...women flirt with me too.  All the dang time.  And I hate it! 

Now, it's one thing to be flirting with someone I'm already in love with, where an actual relationship has been determined.  But random flirting from random strangers? It makes me so uncomfortable I can't even put it into words...I don't know how to act!  It happens everywhere I go. 

In the grocery store:

In my classes:

On the side of the road:

At the plasma donation center:

On the bus:

While I'm holding hands with my boyfriend:

Can't you see I'm taken? Douche...

Even when I haven't showered and I'm all gross:

It drives me nuts when I don't know how to navigate a situation.  I've tried everything from freezing up to attempting to flirt back to literally running away as fast as I can.  Nothing seems to ease the discomfort.  I suppose I should be flattered that everyone and their dog wants to get my attention...but it's hard to feel flattered when you're so busy stammering and avoiding eye contact.  Blahhghhggahg...

...Been a while eh?

Hello friends...

No, I did not die, in case you were wondering. I've only temporarily lost my funny, but I have a feeling it'll be back real soon!  I think the stress of doing absolutely nothing all semester chased it away...

In other news, you may have noticed a few changes here at Socially Awkward.  If you haven't noticed, it's probably because you're blind and you can't see the cool new things I added.  I just want you to know I did it on purpose and I think it brings more personality to the page. (As if I need anymore personality)

I want to let you know I have about ten stories currently under construction and...just that...they're under construction.  Maybe they'll be finished someday so I can entertain you more.

Ok, well that's all I really wanted to say.  Stay tuned for more awkward me.

Love, Chels :)